“Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.”, “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.”, “I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won’t stop sending me Kit-Kats.”, “I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.”, “I used to be a baker because I needed dough, but I couldn’t make enough bread.”, “Which bear is the most condescending? A pan-duh.”, “I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”, “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”, “What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.”, “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.”, “I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.”, “My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right.”, “I have a joke about time travel, but you didn’t like it.”, “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”, “Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.”, “What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.”, “Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.”, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.”, “What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.”, “How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? Ten tickles.”, “Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.”, “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”, “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”, “What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.”, “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”, “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”, “I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.”, “I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.”, “I told my wife she was replacing our candles with electricity. She was de-lighted.”, “What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.”, “How do you organize a space party? You planet.”, “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”, “What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.”, “Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.”, “What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.”, “What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.”, “Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.”, “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”, “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”, “Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.”, “Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.”, “Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.”, “I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.”, “Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.”, “Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re a little shellfish.”, “Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.”, “How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.”, “What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.”, “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.”, “Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.”, “What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.”, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. (It’s worth repeating).”, “How do you throw a space party? You planet. (Also worth repeating).”, “What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.”, “I asked my French friend if they play video games. He said, ‘Wii.'”, “To the person who invented zero: thanks for nothing.”, “What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.”, “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”, “What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.”, “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”, “What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.”, “I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”, “Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.”, “What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.”, “How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”, “Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies? They don’t have the stomach for it.”, “Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.”, “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”, “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”, “How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”, “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”, “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.”, “What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.”, “Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.”, “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.”, “What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.”, “How do you talk to a giant? Use big words.”, “Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.”, “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.”, “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”, “How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.”, “Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.”, “Where do cows go for entertainment? The moo-vies.”, “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”, “How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew.”, “I told my wife she should do a stand-up comedy routine. She declined. I said, ‘Suit yourself.'”, “What do you call a bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear.”, “How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.”, “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”, “What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.”, “Why was the calendar scared? Because its days were numbered.”, “What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.”, “Why was the broom late? It over-swept.”, “What kind of music do planets sing? Nep-tunes.”, “What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.”, “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.”, “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”, “Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? Da brie was everywhere.”, “What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”, “What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.”, “What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.”, “What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.”, “How do you know if a vampire is sick? By how much he’s coffin.”, “Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they are shellfish.”, “What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom.”, “What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.”, “How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”, “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.”, “What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hare-line.”, “What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.”, “I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.”, “Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.”, “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”, “Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum it was possible.”, “Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store.”, “How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat? Put him in the front.”, “What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room.”, “Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”, “Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.”, “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.”, “Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.”, “Which king loved fractions? Henry the ⅛.”, “What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.”, “Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.”, “What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.”, “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”, “What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.”, “How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one of them is a match.”, “How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.”, “Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.”, “What do you call a bear with no ears? B.”, “Why did the coffee taste like dirt? It was ground this morning.”, “What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.”, “Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs.”, “What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone.”, “How do you catch a school of fish? With a bookworm.”, “What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.”, “Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.”, “Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.”, “Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? He was outstanding in his field.”, “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”, “Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr.”, “What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.”, “Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher said not to use tables.”, “What do you call a pile of kittens? A meow-ntain.”, “How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.”, “What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.”, “Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because his parents were in a jam.”, “What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso.”, “What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.”, “How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.”, “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”, “What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.”, “Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.”, “What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.”, “Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”, “What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.”, “What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”, “What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.”, “Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.”, “What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.”, “Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot.”, “How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.”, “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s Arrr, but it’s actually the C.”, “How do you know if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin.”, “What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.”, “Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.”, “What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.”, “What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.”, “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!”, “Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.”, “What do you call a nervous witch? A twitch.”, “How do you make a fruit punch? Give it boxing lessons.”, “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re very good at it.”, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. (It’s still true).”, “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”, “What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.”, “How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.”, “What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.”, “Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.”, “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.”, “What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.”, “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.”, “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”, “How do you throw a space party? You planet.”, “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”, “Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.”, “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”, “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”, “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”, “Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.”, “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”, “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.”, “What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.”, “How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.”, “What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.”, “Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.”, “What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.”, “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”, “Why was the broom late? It over-swept.”, “What kind of music do planets sing? Nep-tunes.”, “Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.”, “What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.”, “Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.”, “What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hare-line.”, “Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies? They don’t have the stomach for it.”, “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.”, “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”, “Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.”, “Where do cows go for entertainment? The moo-vies.”, “How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew.”, “Why was the calendar scared? Its days were numbered.”, “What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending.”, “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.”, “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”, “What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”, “What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.”, “How do you know if a vampire is sick? By how much he’s coffin.”, “What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom.”, “What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.”, “Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses? No, because carrots are good for your eyes.”, “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.”, “I’m reading a book on the history of glue. Can’t put it down.”, “Why did the man put his money in the blender? To make liquid assets.”, “Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store.”, “How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat? Put him in the front.”, “What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room.”, “Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”, “Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.”, “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.”, “Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.”, “Which king loved fractions? Henry the ⅛.”, “What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.”, “Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.”, “What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison.”, “How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one is a match.”, “How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.”, “Why did the coffee taste like dirt? It was ground this morning.”, “What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.”, “Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? They were watch dogs.”, “How do you catch a school of fish? With a bookworm.”, “What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.”, “Why did the can crusher quit? It was soda pressing.”, “Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.”, “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches? Then it would be a foot.”, “Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr.”, “What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.”, “Why did the student do multiplication on the floor? The teacher said not to use tables.”, “How does a cucumber become a pickle? A jarring experience.”, “What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.”, “Why was the baby strawberry crying? His parents were in a jam.”, “What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso.”, “What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.”, “How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.”, “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”, “What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.”, “What did the left eye say to the right? Between us, something smells.”, “Why don’t melons marry? They cantaloupe.”, “What did the grape do when stepped on? Let out a little wine.”, “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”, “What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.”, “Why are fish smart? They live in schools.”, “Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot.”, “How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.”, “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s Arrr, but it’s the C.”, “What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.”, “Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.”, “What did the janitor say when he jumped out? Supplies!”, “Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.”, “What do you call a nervous witch? A twitch.”, “How do you make a fruit punch? Give it boxing lessons.”, “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.”, “Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.”, “What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.”, “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”, “Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.”, “I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.”, “What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.”, “Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.”, “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”, “I’m so good at sleeping I can do it with my eyes closed.”, “I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.”, “I told my wife she was replacing our candles with electricity. She was de-lighted.”, “What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.”, “How do you organize a space party? You planet.”, “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”, “What kind of shoes do ninjas wear? Sneakers.”, “Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon? Because she’ll let it go.”, “What do you call a pile of cats? A meow-ntain.”, “What do you call a dog magician? A labracadabrador.”, “Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All of the fans left.”, “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”, “I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.”, “Why can’t you trust stairs? They’re always up to something.”, “Why don’t crabs give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.”, “Where do fruits go on vacation? Pear-is.”, “I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.”, “Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.”, “Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re a little shellfish.”, “Where do you learn to make banana splits? At sundae school.”, “How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.”, “What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.”, “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.”, “Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.”, “What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.”, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. (It’s worth repeating).”, “How do you throw a space party? You planet. (Also worth repeating).”, “What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.”, “I asked my French friend if they play video games. He said, ‘Wii.'”, “To the person who invented zero: thanks for nothing.”, “What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.”, “I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.”, “What’s the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth-hurty.”, “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”, “What did the ocean say to the beach? Nothing, it just waved.”, “I have a joke about construction, but I’m still working on it.”, “Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.”, “What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.”, “How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it.”, “Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies? They don’t have the stomach for it.”, “Why did the computer go to the doctor? It had a virus.”, “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.”, “I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.”, “How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut.”, “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”, “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.”, “What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.”, “Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher said it was a piece of cake.”, “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.”, “What’s a ninja’s favorite type of shoes? Sneakers.”, “How do you talk to a giant? Use big words.”, “Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.”, “Why don’t seagulls fly over the bay? Because then they’d be bagels.”, “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”, “How does a rabbi make coffee? Hebrews it.”, “Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.”, “Where do cows go for entertainment? The moo-vies.”, “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”, “How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew.”, “I told my wife she should do a stand-up comedy routine. She declined. I said, ‘Suit yourself.'”, “What do you call a bear caught in the rain? A drizzly bear.”, “How do you make a lemon drop? Just let it fall.”, “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”, “What do you call a dog that does magic tricks? A labracadabrador.”, “Why was the calendar scared? Because its days were numbered.”, “What do you call a pony with a cough? A little horse.”, “Why was the broom late? It over-swept.”, “What kind of music do planets sing? Nep-tunes.”, “What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs? A condescending con descending.”, “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.”, “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”, “Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded? Da brie was everywhere.”, “What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”, “What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.”, “What do you get when you cross a cow and a duck? Milk and quackers.”, “What’s a foot long and slippery? A slipper.”, “How do you know if a vampire is sick? By how much he’s coffin.”, “Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they are shellfish.”, “What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom.”, “What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.”, “How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Have you ever seen a rabbit wearing glasses?”, “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.”, “What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hare-line.”, “What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.”, “I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.”, “Why did the man put his money in the blender? He wanted to make liquid assets.”, “Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.”, “Why did the chicken cross the road? To show the possum it was possible.”, “Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store.”, “How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat? Put him in the front.”, “What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room.”, “Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”, “Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.”, “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.”, “Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.”, “Which king loved fractions? Henry the ⅛.”, “What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.”, “Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.”, “What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.”, “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”, “What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.”, “How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one of them is a match.”, “How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.”, “Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.”, “What do you call a bear with no ears? B.”, “Why did the coffee taste like dirt? It was ground this morning.”, “What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.”, “Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? Because they were watch dogs.”, “What’s a skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone.”, “How do you catch a school of fish? With a bookworm.”, “What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.”, “Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing.”, “Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.”, “Why did the scarecrow become a successful politician? He was outstanding in his field.”, “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.”, “Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr.”, “What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.”, “Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor? The teacher said not to use tables.”, “What do you call a pile of kittens? A meow-ntain.”, “How does a cucumber become a pickle? It goes through a jarring experience.”, “What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.”, “Why was the baby strawberry crying? Because his parents were in a jam.”, “What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso.”, “What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.”, “How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.”, “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”, “What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.”, “Why did the turkey cross the road? To prove he wasn’t chicken.”, “What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells.”, “Why don’t melons get married? Because they cantaloupe.”, “What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.”, “What do you call a cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”, “What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.”, “Why are fish so smart? Because they live in schools.”, “What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little horse.”, “Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot.”, “How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.”, “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s Arrr, but it’s actually the C.”, “How do you know if a vampire has a cold? He starts coffin.”, “What do you call a cow during an earthquake? A milkshake.”, “Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.”, “What do you call a bear in the rain? A drizzly bear.”, “What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.”, “What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!”, “Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.”, “What do you call a nervous witch? A twitch.”, “How do you make a fruit punch? Give it boxing lessons.”, “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re very good at it.”, “Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything. (It’s still true).”, “Why don’t some couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don’t work out.”, “What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison.”, “How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it.”, “What do you call a dog that can do magic? A labracadabrador.”, “Why was the math book sad? It had too many problems.”, “What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.”, “What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? Still no idea.”, “What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.”, “Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.”, “What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.”, “How do you throw a space party? You planet.”, “Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They’d crack each other up.”, “Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.”, “What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.”, “How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.”, “What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.”, “Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.”, “What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.”, “What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.”, “What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.”, “How do you catch a squirrel? Climb a tree and act like a nut.”, “What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.”, “Why did the belt get arrested? For holding up a pair of pants.”, “What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.”, “How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.”, “Why was the broom late? It over-swept.”, “What kind of music do planets sing? Nep-tunes.”, “Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.”, “What does a nosy pepper do? Gets jalapeño business.”, “Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.”, “What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hare-line.”, “Why don’t skeletons watch scary movies? They don’t have the stomach for it.”, “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.”, “What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.”, “Why do ducks have feathers? To cover their butt quacks.”, “Where do cows go for entertainment? The moo-vies.”, “How does a train eat? It goes chew, chew.”, “Why was the calendar scared? Its days were numbered.”, “What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending.”, “I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.”, “Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.”, “What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.”, “What do you call a dinosaur that crashes his car? Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.”, “How do you know if a vampire is sick? By how much he’s coffin.”, “What do you call a monkey in a minefield? A baboom.”, “What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.”, “Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses? No, because carrots are good for your eyes.”, “Why don’t you ever see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re really good at it.”, “I’m reading a book on the history of glue. Can’t put it down.”, “Why did the man put his money in the blender? To make liquid assets.”, “Where do animals go when their tails fall off? The retail store.”, “How do you get a dog to stop barking in the back seat? Put him in the front.”, “What’s a skeleton’s least favorite room? The living room.”, “Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He’s all right now.”, “Why are graveyards so noisy? Because of all the coffin.”, “What do you call an alligator in a vest? An in-vest-igator.”, “Why did the gym close down? It just didn’t work out.”, “Which king loved fractions? Henry the ⅛.”, “What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.”, “Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on many levels.”, “What did the buffalo say when his son left? Bison.”, “How do you make a fire with two sticks? Make sure one is a match.”, “How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.”, “Why did the coffee taste like dirt? It was ground this morning.”, “What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino-snore.”, “Why did the man name his dogs Rolex and Timex? They were watch dogs.”, “How do you catch a school of fish? With a bookworm.”, “What did one plate say to the other? Lunch is on me.”, “Why did the can crusher quit? It was soda pressing.”, “Why do bees have sticky hair? They use honeycombs.”, “Why can’t a nose be 12 inches? Then it would be a foot.”, “Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrr.”, “What does a cloud wear under his raincoat? Thunderwear.”, “Why did the student do multiplication on the floor? The teacher said not to use tables.”, “How does a cucumber become a pickle? A jarring experience.”, “What do you call a cow that just gave birth? De-calf-inated.”, “Why was the baby strawberry crying? His parents were in a jam.”, “What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso.”, “What do you call a cow with a twitch? Beef jerky.”, “How do you get a good price on a sled? You have toboggan.”, “What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant.”, “What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.”, “What did the left eye say to the right? Between us, something smells.”, “Why don’t melons marry? They cantaloupe.”, “What did the grape do when stepped on? Let out a little wine.”, “What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho cheese.”, “What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff.”, “Why are fish smart? They live in schools.”, “Why did the dog cross the road? To get to the barking lot.”, “How do celebrities stay cool? They have many fans.”, “What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? You think it’s Arrr, but it’s the C.”, “What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake.”, “Why did the football coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.”, “What did the janitor say when he jumped out? Supplies!”, “Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.”, “What do you call a nervous witch? A twitch.”, “How do you make a fruit punch? Give it boxing lessons.”,
